My Glass Is Half Empty And I Hate It | Smile Striped Sweater | 21.02.18
GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a glass half empty kind of person. When I was tiny, my parents and their friends used to joke that I was born with the world on my shoulders because I was always worried that something bad would happen. Even on the sunniest, happiest days when the sky stretched blue as far as you could see, I remember having vague thoughts of impending doom: ‘What if the sky collapsed?’ I guess I was a super fun six year old.
These days, I consider myself a pragmatic person rather than a negative one. I make most of my predictions based on fact instead of automatically assuming the worst will happen. However, I think a lot of people would say that my outlook on the world is pretty negative, and on the whole, that’s probably true. My glass is half empty and, to be honest, I hate it.
There’s a theory that achieving true happiness requires a degree of delusion. We live in a world where humans do cruel things to other humans, where your wildest dreams will likely remain dreams, where many of your life choices are made for you. How can you be happy in such a world unless you actively choose to overlook some hard truths about 21st century life on Planet Earth?
It’s a no brainer! Whichever way you look it, positive thinking is always going to work out better for you, and yet, I can’t seem to muster the ability to silence that little voice at the back of my head. I mean, I’m attempting a career in music, so I must be delusional to some degree! However, I often wonder how different things might be if I went into this thinking: ‘You are really good at what you do, you have everything you need to achieve your goals and there is no reason why you can’t succeed’. Instead, my current thoughts look more like: ‘Statistically, it is highly unlikely that you will ever succeed. You’re definitely not the best singer songwriter out there, but you’re not the worst. Who knows? You might be lucky.’ While I’m capable of thinking the former, it’s much more difficult to believe it.
And so, wavering somewhere between outright delusion and cold disappointment, I find myself pulled between two opposing forces. Come to think of it, I find myself stuck in the middle of almost everything in life – what does that say about my resolution? It’s frustrating, because I feel like if I could shake the negative thinking, I’d be much further along the path I’ve chosen by now. Instead, I find myself inching my way along, tentatively putting one foot in front of the other, sometimes taking a step backwards. I just want to lose the doubt and get on with it!