Finally Finding My Confidence, The Ultimate DIY Project, and The Most Exciting News
Over the last couple of weeks, I had a little bit of an impromptu break from all things Internet, and it was for the most exciting reason which I'll get to at the end of this post. Because of this, I thought we ought to catch up on what's been going on while I've been away, and just how much everything has changed. To be honest, I'm feeling like an entirely different person to whoever published the last post here on the blog, and I am beyond excited about that. Let's dive in!
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Since I decided to push forward with pursuing a music career, I have felt really reluctant to call myself a singer or a musician. I've always felt a bit like a fraud having nothing to show for myself other than a YouTube channel where I perform covers. I've declined social invitations from old friends simply to avoid any questions about what I'm doing because I have felt so utterly embarrassed about 'who I am' over the last few years.
I've really struggled with my confidence in every aspect of my life for years. From the decisions I make to the way I look to the things I create, you're guaranteed to find me critiquing and second-guessing everything about myself. I think people might assume that I'm oozing with confidence because of my YouTube channel and my blog, but as anybody who puts themselves out there online will know, it's quite often the opposite.
This all sounds very sad, but I'm pleased to say that I think time is up for this period of low confidence. Right now, I couldn't feel more proud of who I am and what I can do, and it's reflecting on how I look at myself in the mirror, too. So why is that?
Last month, I embarked on a mammoth project with the intention of doing everything by myself. This might not sound too difficult, but this wasn't a home improvement project or anything that came with a manual, actually. In fact, it was creating my first single!
From the writing to the recording to the production to the mixing, along with styling, photography and artwork, I decided to do everything myself, despite having never produced or mixed a track in my life. You can decide whether this is genius or stupid, but being a student whose fees have been raised, I didn't have much choice! I set up a home studio using nothing more than my microphone, my laptop and load of duvets hung from a bunk bed and I got to work.
It was easily one of the most challenging things I've ever done, because I was calling all the shots. Usually, a singer would head into the studio with a recording engineer to give live feedback on her performance, a producer to oversee the entire creation of the song and coach her when she's flagging, a mixing engineer to tweak the final recording to perfection, and that's just a very brief overview of all the jobs that go into the creation of one song! Without other people to bounce ideas off, gain feedback from, and pass jobs to, it can be an extremely overwhelming and exhausting task. In fact, I don't know if my ears will ever recover from listening to the same song over 500 times over the course of writing, recording, producing and mixing the track! It was an incredibly steep learning curve with some huge rookie mistakes along the way and there were moments of extreme self-doubt and exasperation, but...
I can finally say I'm releasing my first single on the 14th of September! WHAT?!?!?!
I have often wondered whether I would ever reach a point in my life where I would be able to say that, but here I am! It's even sweeter than I imagined knowing that I created it all by myself, and I don't think I've ever been more proud of myself. I've given my brain and my body a lot of shit over the years, and they haven't always been the best to me either, but together we created an entirely original piece of music from start to finish. Isn't that incredible?!
My first single is called 'Money' and it will be released on all platforms on the 14th September 2018. I'll make sure you don't forget about it in the meantime, so be sure to follow me on Instagram in the run up! I have never been more excited for anything in my life, and I really hope you'll support the release! It would mean too much to me, I can't even express it!